Listen To Your Gut.

Christmas Eve we got ready for our annual Christmas Eve Concert at the La Jolla Presbyterian church across the street from our former apartment.  My good friend and neighbor, Brit lived a few blocks away.  After the concert we went out to eat and enjoy a glass of wine at Herringbone, an restaurant in La Jolla Village.  Afterwards I thought I would stop by and say hi to my good friend Brit, who lived a few blocks away.   I drove by her place and saw her sitting in the window next to her Christmas tree watching TV.  I texted her. (She is a texting Queen and had and IPHONE 7) She did not respond so I drove around the block, wondering if I should stop by anyway.   My gut said yes.  My daughter and I went to her door. She was delighted to see us.  We chatted for about five minutes and then I wished her a Merry Christmas and made plans to catch up soon.

Back story:  She is my good friend for the past 3 years.  I met her in our apartment building in La Jolla, she is a mature lady married to an older wealthy guy. (She drove a Jaguar and had a cute designer dog)  We have kept in touch with monthly happy hours and ladies lunches.  She is like the cool aunt I never had and a close confidant.  I tell her everything!   She buys my kid birthday gifts and we are close friends. Lately she has had some chronic pain issues but seemed to be doing better.

On Thursday after Christmas she texted me to meet up for Happy Hour.  I texted back right away, with "Sure, what day works for you?"  We had just had Happy Hour on December 1st at the Manhattan in La Jolla.  She was cheerful and enjoyed her wine and Shrimp Scampi.

I did not hear back.  Which was fine,  during the holidays a lot of people are busy.

A few days later on New Years Eve at 9:45 PM, I texted her "Happy New Year!"  I got up the next day at 6:30 AM.  My husband and I were walking our pug Marco that morning and I got a text from her that popped up.  The text said,

Tara

Brit died this morning at 1:30 AM.

My heart stopped.  How could this be?

I already knew the answer.  She had been struggling with depression and chronic pain issues that did not seem to resolve easily.  I called her number and asked her husband what happened. He said he found her on the floor in the hallway and she had committed suicide by taking an overdose of her medications.  We could not talk for more than a few minutes.  It was too soon and painful.

I guess she could not be here anymore.  I knew she struggled with pain and depression but I did not know that is was this close.  If I would of known I would of spent more time. On Christmas Eve my gut feeling told me to stop by and say hello to her even though she did not respond to my text messages. I drove around the block not once but twice before I went to her door. Something told me to stop by.  Her husband was and older wealthy guy (he was both a doctor and a lawyer) and would perhaps get irritated when I stopped by, but I loved her more than him, so I did not care.

The day she died he texted me back.

You were the sunshine of her life.  Like the daughter she never had. She loved you.

How can you ever know how much you mean to someone?  You don't know.  Listen to your gut. Show up.  Losing someone this way totally sucks, but its nice to know I was the daughter she never had.  Really? Wow. I wish it was different. She was such a cool friend and I will miss her..but I know she could not stay.

Brit, Me and Mia at the La Jolla Christmas Parade Dec. 2014.  We walked our dogs in the parade. 



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