Fear Of Being Homeless and Ambition.

There have only been a few times in my life that I had nightmares about being homeless.  When I was about 23 or 24 and just out of college, I was living with a wealthy family as a nanny for the summer while looking for a full time job.   Their house was on the market and they had just sold it to a buyer.  I started having nightmares about being homeless because I did not have a full time job yet and I had to move out in a few weeks.   (I ended up landing a full time job and moving in with my grandparents who were in their 80's so my nightmare never came true.)

This past year I had those nightmares start up again.  Only this time I have a kid and two dogs.  I was in the process of closing down my business and the bank was at zero, I had already lost my house to foreclosure and all my savings.  I would wake up in a cold sweat thinking about living on the streets.  I know what its like to be poor, down, and out, but not homeless.  Its not a fun nightmare.

But I think that is what drives people like myself to be entrepreneurs, to continue our education, to push to be better, or to make more money, its because we may not have ever been homeless, but we have tasted the fear.

Entrepreneurs don't always strive for the best because we want the latest Prada shoes or handbag (although that may be nice), but its because we have lost everything and we know what that feels like to have no support system.   I know what it feels like to dig for change in my coat pockets to buy lunch.   I know what it feels like to run out of money and not be able to buy enough groceries to feed your kid except for Top Ramen.   (Note:  By the way, I am not comparing myself to starving people in Africa, I am comparing myself to my own personal experience, to all those who read this and say, well at least you are in America.)

I think there is beauty in knowing what being broke feels like, the beauty is that I never want to feel that again and will pretty much do whatever I can to avoid being in that situation again.  Sometimes its being down and out that forces you to reach for new heights.   I guess I am one of the lucky ones...I still have my talent and my ambition.    I am bullet proof, nothing to lose, fire away fire away...


roccodante said…
Interesting - this post has the most views! I think people can relate to you when you are being transparent and authentic...these posts get the most views while the ones about fashion, not as many. Not even half as many. Readers like it when they can relate to you as a person...

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